Monday, April 09, 2007

What do you do, while you brush your teeth?



Do you remember in Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, when Colin Firth is trying to sleep, and Bridget is watching him in a love struck, birds singing way. Well, my lovedy is Bridget Jones. Ever since we got married, Andy has found it sweet to watch me while I sleep. The only problem is, IT WAKES ME UP!!!! I am not the sweetest thing first thing either.

  • He watches me while brushing his teeth, it is such a boring task, that I am more entertainment asleep than watching the kids.
  • He watches me while getting dressed/undressed.
  • He watches me before going to work.
  • He watches me just to annoy me. For some reason he thinks this is funny! Does he like being raked with nails?

I need a lot of sleep, unfortunately. Having had babies back to back for the last 7 years has made me chronically sleep deprived. Now that the kids are sleeping in to 8ish, Andy lets me sleep. Is this what I want? What I have repeatedly asked him to do? NO. I want my bohunkus behind hauled out of bed at 7am so that I can have my desperately needed alone time to wake up. My ideal routine would be as follows:

  • hang legs over bed for 5 minutes
  • 1st cup of coffee wrapped in Miss Koigu
  • watch news for the weather
  • acquire 2nd cup of coffee while contemplating knitting
  • knit while I am drinking coffee

After the requisite 1.5 hours of waking up, kids can come down and be happily greeted by a calm, sweet, patient mother. I would need to get up at 6:30 to accomplish this difficult task. Gee, that isn't difficult. YES, IT IS. Remember DH, thinks I am sweet asleep. He doesn't have the heart to get me up. Even after me begging and pleading with him to do so. He lets me sleep and then, the munchkins get up and my torture begins.

Not getting up sets my day off on a really bad foot. Grumpy, cranky, non-caffeinated, and no time to knit and vegetate. Why won't Andy wake me up? I need an alarm clock. Yes, that is the ticket. I am not hard to wake up, just cranky and don't want to talk. Andy is SUPPOSED to be my alarm clock. Why won't he wake me up? Doesn't he understand that not waking me up is tatamount to expecting me to do a NASCAR race with the kids as soon as my eyes open? Without fuel and a tune-up. I might even need my tires changed.

He likes to watch while I sleep.

Dearest Lovedy, We need to talk. I have mentioned these 2 issues before, but it hasn't made much of a dent in your hard head. Here goes: I know that you like to watch me sleep. I wish you would quit. I understand that you love me, but this drives me to the edge of violence to hear you brushing your teeth, open my eyes, and see you staring at me. Do you think watching me sleep is a spectator sport? I am here to inform you that it is not.

On to the 2nd issue: Why won't you get me up? I understand that you think I look cute all warm and sleepy. But don't you get it that I need alone time, coffee, and knitting to be sane 1st thing in the morning? I willingly choose to forgo the extra 1.5 hours of sleep in order to be a decent, pleasant mother. I am begging you....... GET ME UP!!!

ALL MY LOVE, Lovey Wife

1 comment:

KnitNana said...

Not sure I'd complain. There's a great deal to be said for a man that enamoured of his wife!
And you could get an alarm clock - for your side of the bed! Just sayin'...