Saturday, July 26, 2008

Warning. This is a vent post. Do NOT read if you have an opinion. Note, I have also disabled comments. No offense intended. Thanks. the management

Dear Friends,

What a week. We are back and the week went well.... for the most part. I don't even know where to begin. I am drained as I haven't been in a while. To put it succinctly, mom had a psychotic break this week. She hasn't had one in 5 or so years.

Here are the pertinent details. She had lived with my brother (who is also bipolar) for about 4 years. Before that, she was in an assisted living facility in Las Vegas. (yeesh, I cringe to even tell y'all that). RGG (bro) thought it would be a good idea.... save her some money. Didn't matter that I knew THIS WAS A BIG, FAT, HAIRY MISTAKE. They didn't care what I thought.

I won't go into the gory details.... let's just say that the shyte hit the ceiling fan and I am up to bat. On vacation no less. What you don't know, is that my mother can time a psychotic event for when I have something else to do. She has done it. Many. Many. Many times. Think wedding day. Think departing the country for a job. Think my father's death. Think every year, when I HAVE to go to the beach with 11 other children and 15 other adults who are not my blood family.

I spent Tuesday thru Friday, all day, on the phone with so very many, many, many people. Trying not to listen to bro and sil vent, couldn't stop most of their venom, but some, at least. Social workers, nursing homes,..... you name it. Then, I am treated to the opinions of all my husbands family. Whom, have NEVER had to deal with anything like this.

So, I have got mom placed in an independent living facility with 4 hours/day of an aide coming in to wait on her hand and foot. This is going to drain her until there is nothing left. I am so frustrated because my dingbat bil, who is a lawyer, and thinks he knows it all, now is trying to advise me on money.....

Short list of stressers:

  • mom's actual psychotic break
  • brothers neediness
  • traveling with 11 other children
  • dealing with in-laws on an upclose and personal basis
  • worrying about kids at beach
  • dealing with dh's opinions on each of these matters
  • worrying about money, mom's money
  • making dinner for 5 people upon arrival at home

So, why am I telling the entire internet about this? I don't really know, except I know some of y'all really love me. And I love you right back. Many of you have become family that I have chosen. Thank you for that. I am sorry to unload something so STUPID when others in our little family have much worse problems.... like hurt children, or hurt husbands. What have I got to complain about? Nothing really. This is just my life, and this blog is a small piece that I can control. Just a small piece.

I have so many blessings. I think it is just easier to focus on the problems and neglect the truly beautiful things in life.

On the way home, I got to listen to some teachings on the book of Proverbs. The titles were, "The Healing of Anger", which by the way states that anger is good, just be slow getting to it; and "Healing of the Wounded Spirit". God really addressed me directly today. Not sugar sweetness either, but an antibiotic for my soul. His Presence. His direct address of my angst. That is the biggest blessing of all. I am not alone.