Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Dear Dad. It is May again and I am thinking of you. The wildflowers are out and I am remembering all the good times we had in the woods identifying them. I wish you were here to see the Flame Azalea I found blooming in my neighborhood. I will always think of you when I see it. It is kind of rare and leggy, and spindly, and not very tame looking. Wild and rare, just the way I like them .

I have learned many new things since you have been gone. I have learned to forgive, I have learned to listen, and I have learned that you really might have known it all, sort of , that is.

The way I celebrate your life is by NOT celebrating your 'going home' anniversary. The date has come and gone, and on the day, I didn't even notice. Usually, Andy watches me and reminds me several days later, and I am relieved that yet again, life has gone on without you and my grieving has passed
Dad, I have learned to spin yarn on a spinning wheel. You would have thought that was cool. I entered this yarn in a contest because when I saw the flame azalea yesterday, I realized that I had the *exact* color of the flower in mohair and the *exact* color of new spring wood for the shrub part. The yarn is wild and leggy, just like the flower. It won't knit into something else because of it's uniqueness. Can't it just be yarn for the sake of being yarn? Can't I just be me? Just plain, ole me? Just a I am? Yes, I do believe that I can and am, just that.

Mom is OK. I guess you know that though. She is stable and lives a very, small life with your son. I wish she would have joined us on our walks, but I guess she just couldn't for whatever reason. Oh, yeah.... I have learned what the word GRACE means. I am learning to love mom, just the way she is with no expectations. I am content with that and am grateful that she is still with us. She misses you though, she told me so yesterday.

I think the most important things I have learned since you've been gone are these: I have found peace and I like myself. I no longer try to meet up with expectations that are unreasonable and try to be content in my own skin. I am plenty flawed but maybe that is what make us all different from each other.

I miss you too, but not with the hard grieving that used to be. I miss you now and rejoice knowing that you are with the One who made you and let me be yours for a while. I will think of you every May and probably create something of great meaning to me in your honor. So this is my tribute to you, kind of girly, sorry.

Flame Azalea Boucle. Mohair, spun S twist. BFL spun Z twist. Plied Z twist. Then the 2ply plied with another BFL single S twist. My 1st attempt at boucle. Didn't make much.

I will love you forever and will be with you again.... someday. All my love,
Your Kitty Kat


Robin said...

Beautiful post!!

KnitNana said...

Ah Catie.
What a very special love-letter.

Pam! said...

you are such a poetic soul ... and you've learned so much. much more than most.

i think your dad would fully appreciate a tribute such as the yarn ... nothing better than something made with love.

IndigoMuse said...

What a loving tribute to your Dad :) You inspire me in so many ways with the lessons you have learned in your journey through life. The yarn is not only beautiful but a very fitting gift.

Anonymous said...

Love your blog. You may inspire me to begin.
Jenny in Texas